Freaky Fake Pussies

What it is: Perhaps the most anatomically incorrect sex toy ever created. A molded female foot in a high-heeled sandal, with a pussy on the sole of the shoe.

What it does: You've heard of guys jacking off inside a woman's shoe? This lets you jack off inside a woman's foot...well, into her heel and ankle, as her toes gently crush your testicles...

Who uses it: Shoe salesmen, foot fetishists, podiatrists.

Other uses: Pedicure model.

What it is: A fake pussy that squirts whatever you put into it...Water? Eau de cologne? WD-40? We're not sure if the liquid comes out of the vagina or pee-hole, so it's probably up to your interpretation whether it's a peeing pussy or ejaculating pussy, but sometimes it's hard to tell in real life too.

What it does: Sprays you (or your unsuspecting victim) with "pussy juice".

Who uses it: Guys who want a golden shower but can't get their girlfriend to piss on them; or guys who want their girlfriend to ejaculate but can't get her off.

Other uses: Plant mister, squirt gun, use it to dispense cream into your coffee.

What it is: A life-sized sex doll with "three super realistic entries, a skeleton articulated with stainless steel bones and specially designed stainless steel joints. The unique silicone blend will stretch up to 5 times it's normal state, and all stress areas are reinforced by KEVLAR! That's the same stuff used to make bulletproof vests for the police and military!" It's industrial-strength, bullet-proof robo-pussy.

At $5890, this is the most expensive fake pussy you can get. Also comes with a douche bulb for "internal cleansing after use" and a repair kit in case she busts a nail. Oh, also, she comes with a choice of heads.

*Real woman not included.

What it does: Lays there and stares blankly at the ceiling while you fuck her, sort of like your ex-girlfriend.

Who uses it: Filthy rich necrophiliacs or mannequin lovers. For $6,000 you could probably buy a real date....

Other uses: Put her in the passenger seat of your car and you can use the carpool lane on the freeway.

Also available: The EZ Lift for Silicone Love Doll - a pully-driven hoist for "moving, dressing, and storage of your Silicone Love Doll".

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