Mutant Dildos

What it is: Identical Siamese-twin dildos joined at the scrotum.

What it does: Lets you re-enact the infamous "ass to ass" scene from Requiem for a Dream.

Who uses it: No matter how you figure it, if two people are using this toy, at least one of them has got to be gay.

Other uses: Attention-getting handlebars for your beach cruiser bike.

What it is: Another mutant conjoined penis. Like having one guy with two cocks. Or 1.5 cocks - one's on the "slim" side.

What it does: Penetrates a woman's pussy and ass at the same time. The big dick goes in the cunt, the skinny one goes in the ass, unless you like to open your backdoor wider.

Who uses it: Mousy, uptight, but secretly sex-crazed women too shy to set up a three-way.

Other uses: Super-glue it to the wall and use as coat hook.

What it is:  A vibrating dildo with balls, a suction cup base, and a "robust flashing penis head."

What it does: It's like a rave inside your pussy.

Who uses it: Not recommended for people with epilepsy; the flashing lights can trigger seizures.

Other uses: Road flare, strobe light for parties.

What it is: A dildo mounted on an inflatable ball, like one of those exercise therapy balls. "Supports up to 250 pounds."

What it does: Lets you do ab-crunches, butt-bounces, or cunt-curls, whatever workout you need.

Who uses it: Nymphomaniac yoga freaks and exercise junkies.

Other uses: The perfect beach ball for nude beaches.

How about some wacky vibrators...